With every day that passes the church will have to address more and more issues relating to divorce. The complexity and sensitivity of the issue complicates even the slightest related decisions. It, therefore, becomes critical that we explore God’s word today to determine our position for tomorrow. If we wait, unfortunate circumstances will force us to address issues related to divorce when they are no longer hypothetical. When the emotions and souls of individuals are directly attached to the decisions we make, damage, either to the individuals or to the integrity of the decisions made, is much more likely to result.
The following seeks to provide a scripturally justifiable position on the topics of divorce and remarriage.
What Is Marriage?
To find definitive answers concerning divorce and remarriage we must first establish the idea of what biblical marriage is. The Bible says much about marriage but it says much less about exactly what marriage is. The book of Genesis provides the best insight for us to determine exactly what marriage is.
The first thing Genesis 2:18 points out is that marriage was God’s idea. After having created the world and then Adam, God decided that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Adam needed a helpmate. God then made Eve from Adam. In response, Adam saw that Eve was a suitable helpmate for him. In essence this was the first marriage union.
Marriage Is Becoming “One Flesh”
Genesis 2:24 provides another level of foundation for our understanding of marriage. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, NASB). In this passage there are several key points made. First, when a man finds a woman that is suitable to become his helpmate, he is to “leave” his father and mother. The original text that was translated “leave” means, “To forsake, leave destitute, or refuse.” The idea captured here is that the marriage relationship should have priority over all other earthly relationships. The second key point is in the words “to be joined to.” “To be joined to” can also be interpreted as “to cleave.” The original word for cleave means “to cling to, remain close, adhere, be glued firmly.” These two ideas together make it clear that marriage is to be treated as paramount to all other earthly relationships and that this primacy should be actively protected with our ongoing efforts and faithfulness.
Marriage is more than just God’s idea; it is His work as well. When a man and woman commit to one another in marriage God makes them “one flesh.” This idea is further emphasized in Matthew 19:6. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt 19:6, NASB). “What therefore God has joined together” suggests that God played an active role in the marriage union.
Genesis 2 and Matthew 19 tell us that marriage is God’s idea and that through the act of marriage God Himself unites the couple as “one flesh.” These passages also show God’s clear intent for marriage to be permanent. Even though God intends for marriage to be permanent it does not necessarily mean that it will be.
Can The Marriage Union Be Broken?
Many seek to address the question of divorce and remarriage by asking whether marriage is a covenant or a contract. Contracts are earthly agreements and as such are limited to our human understandings and frailty. Marriage is not a contract, but a covenant. Marriage is a covenant primarily because God is an active participant in the union between man and woman. Having God as an active participant, covenants are not necessarily limited by man’s frailty. This being true, there are biblical examples of both permanent and passing covenants. An example of a permanent covenant is the Abrahamic covenant while the Mosaic covenant dissolved with the teachings of the New Testament. Even though marriage is a covenant, that fact alone does not protect it from the possibility of being broken.
What Can Break A Marriage Covenant?
The question remains, can a marriage covenant be broken? First, we must acknowledge that the Bible never says that the marriage covenant could not be broken. For God to command us not to break the marriage covenant, as He did in Matthew 19:6, does not ensure that we will not break it. In fact, the command itself suggests that it is within our power to break the covenant.
Death Breaks the Marriage Covenant
Another passage that supports the idea of the marriage bond being breakable is in Matthew 22. When confronted by the Sadducees concerning the complexities of marriage and heaven, Jesus makes it clear that the marriage bond is broken upon death.
But Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not understanding the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Matthew 22:29-30 (NASB)
Matthew strongly suggests that the marriage bond is broken upon the death a spouse. This idea is also supported in 1 Timothy 5:14 when Paul tells Timothy that he wants younger widows to marry in order to prevent idleness and gossip. There is no indication of an offense when widows or widowers remarry.
So if death can break the marriage bond, are there other things that can break it as well? John and Paul Feinberg suggest that there are two others, porneia and abandonment by a non-Christian spouse.
Porneia and the Marriage Covenant
Many people argue that divorce is permissible if your spouse is guilty of porneia. While there is still some debate among other scholars, the Feinbergs translate porneia as a sexual impropriety such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. The idea that porneia breaks the marriage covenant is in the exception clause of Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:8-9. The Pharisees asked Jesus if it was permissible to divorce for any reason at all.
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:8-9 (NASB)
Matthew 19:8-9 states whoever divorces his wife for any reason, except immorality, and then remarries, commits adultery. This exception specifies what constitutes adultery. However, it does not necessarily suggest that the marriage bond is broken in God’s eyes, only that adultery is committed if the husband divorces for any reason other than the porneia of his wife and then marries another woman.
The idea that remarriage is necessary to constitute adultery, suggests that the divorce alone is not necessarily adulterous. If the remarriage then constitutes adultery, some ties to the previous marriage must remain. If that is true, I am not confident that porneia breaks the marriage covenant in God’s eyes.
Abandonment by Non-Christian Spouse and the Marriage Covenant
Another passage that many reference as providing a justification for divorce is 1 Corinthians 7:10-15.
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:10-15 (NASB)
Speaking on behalf of the LORD, Paul provides rules concerning divorce and remarriage. In verse 15 Paul states that a Christian is not “under bondage” if their non-believing spouse abandons them. I suggest that the “bondage” referenced is related to their legal obligations to the former spouse not to the actual God-established marriage union. Again, there is no specific reference to the severance of the union that God established. Verses 10 and 11 are clear that Paul does not want the couple to divorce one another. Paul is only suggesting that the abandoned spouse has no ability to prevent the abandonment. Therefore, the abandoned believer is not responsible for adultery unless he or she remarries.
The arguments that the God given bonds of marriage are dissolved by anything but death still are not convincing.
Further Exploration of Texts
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NASB)
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.” Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NASB)
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 becomes a central text relating to divorce when Jesus quotes from it later in Matthew 19:3. Apparently, during the time of Jesus, this passage was being used to justify divorce for even the most insignificant reasons using the idea of “indecency” in the broadest and most irresponsible way possible. It still, however, does not justify divorce. Moses’ effort was to legislate divorce not legitimize it. The purpose of this legislation was to protect women from some of the consequences of wrongful divorce. Mosaic Law dictated stoning for an adulterer. With Deuteronomy 24 being wrongfully used to justify divorce for trivial reasons, it became necessary to distinguish the wrongfully divorced wife from an adulterer. As stated before, assuming the wife had not committed adultery that resulted in the divorce, she would not be considered an adulterer unless she remarried.
Verse 4 calls it an abomination for a man to remarry his ex-wife once she has been “defiled.” The question is what defiled her? This passage does not assume that the wife was an adulterer. If the wife was not an adulterer and was free to remarry after the divorce, what would have defiled her? If the marriage union was not broken by her original divorce, her second marriage would have been adulterous.
Matthew 5:31-32 (NASB)
31 “It was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32 (NASB)
Here in Matthew 5 Jesus says that the husband makes the wife commit adultery unless he divorces her for committing adultery. A divorce for any reason other than the adultery of the spouse would make the husband guilty of sin, when either he or his wife remarries. This would answer the question that remains from Deuteronomy 24. One understanding of the passage is if a woman is divorced for “unchastity,” she is already an adulterer. If she were divorced for other reasons, she would then most likely be forced to remarry simply to survive and, as determined in Matthew 19, would then be an adulterer. Being innocent of adultery, her subsequent marriage makes her an adulterer. The man who marries a divorced woman would become an adulterer as well.
Again, the phrase “except for the reason of unchastity” provides the fodder for much debate. One view suggests if the wife is divorced because she was adulterous, the husband could be allowed to divorce her without censure. If this view is accurate, it would still be preferable for the husband to forgive and redeem his adulterous wife if possible. If his efforts failed, the husband could then remarry without reproach. The adulterous wife bares the guilt of her own actions.
Mark 10:2-12 (NASB)
2 Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. 3 And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY.” 5 But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 “But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 7 “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER , 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
10 In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. 11 And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (NASB)
This passage seems definitive as well. Jesus points out to the Pharisees that divorce was not God’s intent and that “no man” should “separate” what God has joined. He later explained this to His saying that either a man or a woman who divorces their spouse and then marries again commits adultery. Again, Jesus does not condone divorce, nor does He suggest that the marriage bond is broken when divorce occurs.
Luke 16:18 (NASB)
18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.” Luke 16:18 (NASB)
The most notable thing in Luke 16:18 is the repetition of the circumstances that constitutes adultery and the absence of the related exception clause found in Matthew’s accounts. This exception clause is also missing from Mark’s accounts.
Ezra 10:3, 10-11 (NASB)
3 So now let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives and their children, according to the counsel of my lord and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law. Ezra 10:3 (NASB)
10 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have been unfaithful and have married foreign wives adding to the guilt of Israel. 11 “Now therefore, make confession to the LORD God of your fathers and do His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives.” Ezra 10:10-11 (NASB)
This passage in Ezra provides a significant challenge. Ezra, a prophet of the Lord, commanded the people to divorce their foreign wives. One can only assume based on these verses that God hates idolatry more than He hates divorce. It is also true that this is a very unusual case. It would be less than prudent to use this passage as a typical example of the biblical position.
Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
16 “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
It seems that this verse alone should address any questions concerning divorce. God hates divorce. Unless other scriptures change our understanding of God’s position on divorce, and they do not, God hates any divorce whether allowed by Mosaic Law or any other means of justification. We are remiss, and in the end sinful, if we attempt to justify our actions in defiance of God’s view. The Pharisees used the law in an attempt to justify themselves and failed. The fact is that law can never justify us.
My Position
God created marriage to be permanent. It was a gift from God for our benefit and ultimate well-being. Marriage, as God intended it, also functions as a metaphor to help us understand the nature of God and His love for us. Treating marriage lightly, not to mention allowing trivial divorces, can seriously impair our ability to know God.
Jesus confirms that marriage does not exist in heaven. As such, the marriage bond is at least breakable upon the death of a spouse. The idea of adultery resulting, not actually from the divorce but after it, from the subsequent marriage suggests that the union is somehow still in place even after the divorce. Matthew 5 and Mark 10 provide such examples.
In light of the clear warnings of scripture relating to divorce and remarriage and knowing that “God hates divorce,” I am still reluctant to accept porneia or abandonment as God’s permission to divorce and remarry. Man may very well have allowed for divorce under certain circumstances. Moses did not forbid divorce, but he never explicitly condoned it either. Paul tells the Corinthians that they are not under obligation to their non-Christian spouse if the spouse divorces them. Divorce for any reason will still have serious consequences as will remarriage. Because of the stubbornness of our hearts, we may successfully receive man’s consent to divorce and remarry, but we will not receive God’s blessing in doing something that He hates.
Any reasonable position on the issue will honor God’s intent for the permanence of marriage and will actively discourage divorce. The church’s position on divorce, no matter what that position is, will not prevent it from happening. It then becomes critical that we know what God says concerning the forgiveness of such sins. Exodus 34:7 reminds us that God forgives our sins, but there are still grave consequences. Verse 7 refers to the Lord “who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations” (Exodus 34:7, NASB).
The writer of Psalms set a good example for us if we desire God’s forgiveness in our lives. “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD;’ And You forgave the guilt of my sin” (Psalms 32:5, NASB). The psalmist tells us to confess our sins, not to seek to justify them. Confession that divorce is sin is the first step to obtaining God’s forgiveness.
REFERENCE LIST
Books
Feinberg, John S., and Paul D. Feinberg. Ethics for a Brave New World. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1993.
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